Courting the most beautiful ghosts, fighting the most formidable humans, Meng Po gingerly concocting her soup, I am Chen Mo, I speak for myself! Not only should a bloke swagger in the human world, he should go wild in Hell as well! Chen Mo, who was miserably cheated on by his girlfriend, by a lucky coincidence, joined the Underworld Chatgroup, and from then on, his life has been like chewing on spearmint, absolutely unstoppable!
"Gourd kids, gourd kids, seven gourds on a single vine..."
Chen Mo, lying in bed cheerfully playing 'Dead Man's Pesticide', was about to push down the enemy's base in a single breath when his phone ringtone timely rang. The incoming call displayed "Respected Wife", which was his girlfriend, Yang Qing, who he met at school.
Even though our classmate Chen Mo is quite ordinary-looking and not notably tall, as a successor of socialism, he also has a sincere heart for love; thus, he's not a single dog.
At the first instance of the ring, he quickly answered the call.
"Hello, my dear respected wife."
His voice was as meek as a lamb.
Yet, there was a silence on the other end of the phone.
Chen Mo was somewhat bewildered. What was going on? Did he unknowingly upset her again?
Chen Mo had encountered this kind of situation more than once. Girls are called girls because they occasionally burst into inexplicable rages that even they can't explain.
In compliance with the usual method of handling such, appeasing her would generally do the trick.
As a man, it’s not shameful to bow down to his woman. Just when Chen Mo was about to say some sweet words, Yang Qing who had been silent all this while began to speak.
"Chen Mo, let's break up..."
"What?"
"I said, let's break up!"
"What happened? What suddenly made you say this? You're joking with me, right?"
"Chen Mo, I'm telling you this in all seriousness; I am not joking!"
These words, delivered so suddenly through a phone call, left Chen Mo in a state of surprise. Yes, he had had arguments with Yang Qing, but those were common in a relationship. Occasional quarrels and cute tantrums were the spice of a relationship, so he never made much of them. He always indulged her, handling her whims with patience. But her sudden declaration of breaking up was too hard for him to digest!
"Why?"
After a long pause, Chen Mo asked a question in a voice that carried a pale plea.
"I don’t like long-distance relationships."
Yang Qing’s voice was cold.
"Exm? What the hell? Long-distance relationship? What the fuck!?"
"We are from the same school!"
"Is it just because the girls' dormitory is in the south yard and the boys' dormitory is in the north yard and this damn thing also counts as a long-distance relationship?"
"Hello? Hello…..?"
The other side had hung up already.
Chen Mo felt very wronged. He was utterly clueless about what had just happened. Was he dumped? Weren't they supposed to be each other's angel?
Moreover, the reason she gave for the breakup seemed like a half-hearted excuse. This was like another knife to his heart, already feeling slighted by the unexpected dumping.
He lowered his gaze to his screen which now displayed the interface of a game named 'Dead Man's Pesticide'.
While he was on the call, the revived five opponents had already bombed his base into oblivion.
The word "Failure" displayed at the top was filled with an ironic sting at this point.
It felt as if the Universe was mocking Chen Mo, implying that he was forever destined to be a failure, a loser!
"Darn it!"
Chen Mo muttered under his breath and tossed his phone on the bed. He lay down as well, staring blankly at the upper bunk.
He had met Yang Qing in their first year's second term. At that time, he thought that this girl was simple, genuine, and nothing like the other superficial girls out there. Thus, he coursed his feelings, and after a persistent 2-month chase, he finally won her heart. However, things took a turn for the worse. After a summer holiday, he was abruptly dumped in the first week of the semester.
Dumped, Chen Mo fell into mute silence, confusion, and began to question his existence.
After a long period of quiet contemplation, Chen Mo still found no answers to the meaning of life. He didn't have the courage to end it all, especially over such trivial matters.
Having accepted the fact that they had parted ways, he picked up his phone, logged into Wechat. Seeing the pinned chat's nickname "beloved wife", he felt a heavy sorrow, tinged with a hard-to-describe bitterness.
The deep bond that used to be there, where they could share anything and everything with each other, all came to mean nothing in the end. All the sweet promises, the mountains and sea vows, amounted to nothing!
He opened Yang Qing's personal photo album and looked at her glowing picture, the memories of their time together flooded his mind and left a bad taste. How did things turn out like this? How did the relationship end so abruptly?
He continued scrolling down...
"Non-friends can only view up to 10 photos."
"Darn!"
That was quick. She had immediately blocked him on Wechat after the breakup. How ironic.
If there was even the slightest hope of mending things before, after seeing that line, all thoughts of reconciliation in Chen Mo's heart were shattered. There was no lingering sentiment left.
"I thought you would love me as much as I love you, only to find out in the end that it was all wishful thinking on my part."
Chen Mo's heart ached. Only now did he realize that the girl he once deeply loved had never truly loved him. This was indeed a bad joke that wasn't funny at all.
"When a woman loves, she touches your soul; when she is heartless, she hurts deeply."
Chen Mo erased Yang Qing's WeChat contact without any expression on his face, updated this sentence on his Moments, got ready to log out of WeChat, then have a good sleep and dream a big dream.
Suddenly, his mobile phone vibrated, indicating a new message.
"Damn it, I am annoyed right now, who is so poor at choosing the right time, insisting on chatting with me now!"
Although annoyed, Chen Mo still switched to the message interface. The message on WeChat made him somewhat confused.
"Judgment Officer invited you to join the group chat. Other group chat participants include: King Qin Guang, King Chu Jiang, Emperor Song, Wang Wu Guan, King Yan Luo, King Bian Cheng, King Tai Shan, King Du Shi, King Ping Deng, King Zhuan Lun, Hei Wu Chang, Bai Wu Chang, Ox Head, Horse Face…"
"Judgment Officer invited Meng Po to join the group chat."
"Judgment Officer invited Di Ting to join the group chat."
…
Judgment Officer: "Everyone, our underworld communication group has been fully connected today. Everyone can communicate freely and speak freely. There are also some underworld staff members who have not joined the group, everyone can pull them in, when you have nothing to do, you can all chat together."
Ox Head: "Thanks for your hard work, Judgment Officer!"
Horse Face: "Judgment Officer, you've worked hard!"
Judgment Officer: "Hehe, it's not hard work, I'm just serving the underworld!"
The Black Ghost: "Time for the water group!"
The White Ghost: "Little Black, you big water turtle, all you ever do is mess with the water group."
The Black Ghost: "Come on, we're hurting each other here!"
Then these two start showing their power, communicating using only emoticons.
Chen Mo was completely bewildered seeing all these unfamiliar names. He randomly clicked on one group member's profile.
It was the one who was just invited into the group, an avatar named Meng Po, with an avatar of a classical woman. She seemed quite attractive, and her check-in location was listed as the Bridge of Helplessness. The personal motto section of her profile contained a line that made Chen Mo's eyes bulge out — "Selling Meng Po's soup at a low price, discounts for large orders!"
Damn it!
Could this Meng Po cosplayer have perhaps been a bit more professional? Everyone knows that Meng Po is an old woman, yet she uses such a gentle, beautiful young woman as her avatar. This is just too careless! Negative points, get out!
But this young lady is really pretty, a definite natural beauty. I don't know where she got the picture from, but it's very appealing just by looking at the photo.
Reading the active and zany conversations of this group, Chen Mo could only draw an acceptable conclusion: some mental institution was popularizing WeChat in an attempt to expose its patients to the outside world as a part of their therapy.
What other explanation was there for the insane, adolescent behavior in the chat group, which was even named the "Underworld Communication Group"?
As the saying goes, "Only crazy kids have fun; mentally ill people have far-reaching ideas!"
When hell freezes over would he ever join in their banter with those lunatic snakes!
Just as Chen Mo was about to leave the group, he saw someone had posted a red envelope.
Not grabbing a red envelope equals being an absolute fool! No matter if it's a group of lunatics, snatch it first and then consider whether to continue!
Chen Mo's hand speed was astonishing. The power of the primordial chaos within him instantly surged into his well-trained Kirin arm, and with eyes quick as lightning, he clicked the "Unwrap" button!
"The red packet has already been claimed."
"Damn, that was fast! It disappeared in the blink of an eye!"
While marveling at the speed of these lunatics, Chen Mo also checked how much everyone else had grabbed.
Hei Wuchang had the best luck, claiming 99 nether coins, while Judge grabbed 61 nether coins. Mount Tantuo Ksitigarbha got 40 nether coins.
"Geez, these freaks really know how to play. But what are these 'nether coins'? Can red packets be played like this?"
Seeing the unfamiliar currency, Chen Mo couldn't resist mocking it. He figured this might be a quirky feature from Tencent, like the ability to give custom names to red packet currencies.
However, the person sending the red packet was quite generous; they've given a whopping two hundred!
Considering this, being with these crazies might not be a bad thing at all?
Sadly, his luck didn't hold, and he didn't manage to grab anything.
King Qin Guang: "Today is a good day for the official launch of the Underworld Exchange Group. This king would also like to contribute with a red packet."
Seeing these words, Chen Mo, who felt like he had just lost billions because he missed out on the red packet, stared at his phone screen, his eyes glistening with anticipation. His focus was on high alert, ready to claim the red packet at any moment!